Now a bit of background info about my normal dreams. My normal dreams are drastically different from my lucid dreams. My lucid dreams skip around from scenario to scenario randomly and are all on... one topic, but my normal dreams almost always follow a very linear, story like pattern, which while unrealistic at times (bullets being shaved into wasabi powder?), has a concise timeline and usually even a plot. Given that I have a hobby in writing and watch fiction media quite often, that isn't too surprising.
What I find kinda interesting about myself is the fact that I have high functioning autism and I believe that affects my dreams. In my waking life I experience a 'lock state' where I can want to do something, but I will just not be able to do that thing, despite having a physical and mental ability to do something. As a child, it could revert me into a state similar to a absent seizure, but in recent times it will more make me stall by doing things like using the phone or setting out silverware. Now, that is about my waking life, but I can feel that is the same mechanism that is impacting my lucid dreaming. When I begin lucid dreaming, I can be in control, but I lose the 'will' to stay on topic in a way that feels just like what happens in waking life. Also, the highly structured nature of my normal dreams might be due to the autism, which is odd as one side effect shows up in lucid dreaming but a different one appears in my normal dreams.
My goal, at least so far, is to get some kind of control over my lucid dreams to the point where it at least isn't always an erotic dream. I have a feeling that the erotic dreams are distractions from what I need to be doing and are a block keeping me from moving forward. Moving forward in my case being able to ask... myself what I want to do with my life. (Which admittedly sounds a bit stupid out loud, but yeah) I have an incredible 'willpower' that completely changes me, even gives me near voluntary control of my emotions and perception, but I can only very rarely access it- it getting the same block as the lucid dream distraction and my autism. Of course, ideally I might figure out what that block is, in and of itself, and if it is something internal that affects my dreams/mind/will and effects my waking life as a side effect, as I get the feeling it may be, maybe work with it.
And then after that fun time blowing up aliens with a magic bow of friendship and happiness while wearing a pimped out dress.
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