Bungled Dead Stepfather Simulation

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Summerlander
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Bungled Dead Stepfather Simulation

Postby Summerlander » 14 May 2012 20:45

12/05/2012:

I went to bed around 1am and didn’t take long to fall asleep. I had a series of dreams with the most recent being the most memorable before I found myself in the phase. I dreamt that I was in a strange house where I looked for an exit but couldn’t find one. There was an old man with me who was desperate to get out as he was feeling claustrophobic.

This dream conveyed a sense of urgency. I came up with the rather irrational solution of looking for my bedroom in that strange house so that I could rest and the old man could come to his senses. This illustrates how we often behave as though we are brain damaged in ordinary dreams. I couldn’t find my bedroom and I believe the sense of urgency made me question the reality that surrounded me.

“Am I dreaming?”, I asked myself and I was immediately 100% sure that I was. No reality checks were needed as I looked around and saw that I was in a fluctuating strange place. I was very much in the phase and my virtual surroundings gradually became clearer and detailed. For that reason, I had decided to bypass deepening at the earliest stages of the phase. I was apparently standing on the upper floor of the same house, and, despite the highly defined environment and the clarity of vision, it was a little gloomy.

I shilly-shallied for a moment before shooting upwards through the ceiling to halt at a perceived 100ft above rooftops. My bird’s-eye view revealed a town cast in shadows by a nighttime atmosphere. The house I’d been in was now an oblong vitreous structure dissected in the middle by a dark line. Both halves of the structure were composed of translucent panels indicative of partitioned rooms.

I reduced my altitude a little in order to observe the desolate interiors through the glass and produced a giant arm which I used to touch the building. The dimensions of the building appeared to have changed in relation to my perceived size or I had turned into a temporary giant. Despite detail, the virtual reality of the phase was lacking realism of proportion. I felt like I was stroking the surface of a toy house and compared the size of my enormous index finger against a miniscule living room seen through one of the panels. I descended to the neighbouring building and appeared to be decreasing in size.

The shrinking of my perceived body was probably caused by the fact that I wanted to experience an interior from a normal size perspective. I landed on a massive staircase illuminated by chandeliers that hung from an intricately patterned white ceiling. As I glided downstairs, I decided to maintain the quality of the phase by using my left hand to rub the nearby banister. Its surface felt smooth and cold and the fact that a few fluctuations occurred also prompted me to rub my hands together and palpate parts of my body.

Finally, downstairs, the environment settled on resembling a gala clubhouse. In the phase, I realised that the luxurious halls I was exploring resembled a 1920s setting depicted in an episode of the TV cult series “Highlander” which I had watched the night before. The place suddenly became full of life as gallant men and elegant women appeared out of nowhere. These people danced merrily, drank alcohol, frolicked and the halls were filled with chatter.

I decided to summon my deceased stepfather Sergio by expecting him to emerge from behind a door that was ajar. The door swung completely open to reveal yet another lively hall background. A man in a tuxedo and looking a little like Sergio walked into the area I was in. There was something familiar about his mannerisms and the way he addressed other people but I couldn’t ignore the oddity of his facial features when he approached to greet me. The man’s facial skin looked polished, as though he wore light makeup, and he was a cross between Sergio and the actor Al Pacino.

“You are not Sergio”, I told him. He grabbed my shoulders, which alarmed me slightly because it was so unexpected. This caused me to instinctively grab hold of his arms in self-defence. “No, I’m not”, he uttered in reply. I demanded to know where my stepfather was and the Sergio imitator said: “He’s in time-out.” - Bewilderedly, I asked what that meant and the smirking character replied with the following: “Well… how dumb are you without him?”

As I was trying to figure out where that was coming from, a group of people surrounded the Sergio look-alike before this one took off in flight. I took pursuit Superman-style and the two of us were joined by a flying group of characters dressed like superheroes as we flew over skyscrapers. One of these characters was a robot with a pyramid-shaped head who appeared to be observing me despite not having any eyes. The scenery evanesced and I fouled as I felt the dog that we are looking after for Mary (Connor’s grandmother) rustle under the covers. My head buzzed as I thought about the experience and still had a vivid impression of that bizarre robot.

The phase state was invigorating but I was somewhat confused by the content experienced and needed to reflect on it. The more I thought about what the semi-Sergio character said to me, though, the more I began to realise that it tallied with my thoughts and feelings at the time in the phase. My first impressions of the man was that he was an erroneous version of my dead stepfather simulated by my unconscious mind. Furthermore, there had been a slight sense of seeing myself in him, which went against my desire to possibly contact some part of Sergio that hypothetically survived physical death.

The strong sense that my mind was showing me a bungled Sergio simulation made me feel somewhat disillusioned. Had he looked more like Sergio, it would have been easier to pretend that it was really him I was communing with. Further introspection and analysis of how I felt during the phase indicate that the semi-Sergio’s statements reflected my thinking and opinions like a psychological ‘mirror’.

“He’s in time-out” reflects my suspicions on the death state and the possibility that the individual consciousness might re-emerge as another life form in time if the universe stumbles upon the right mechanical coordinates in space. For now, as far as I’m aware, Sergio rests in the sense that he does not take part in life. Time does not pass for Sergio. Sergio does not perceive the world (for he no longer has a brain and the body’s sensory organs to perceive it with). Sergio, as he was, no longer exists (and with it, his sense of self). Sergio is out of the game. Time-out.

The “how dumb are you without him” nonsensical and seemingly rhetorical question is not as weird as it initially seemed. I came to realise that what the semi-Sergio character said to me coincided with what I thought of him - though distorted in the sound/language form of expression within the context of lucid dream illusion. One could say that I regarded such phase character as a “dumb” representation of Sergio.

The “without him” part clearly reflects that for me psychologically and on an emotional level. Sergio’s personality was absent in the phase form I encountered and I had not got what I requested. In hindsight, all the other times when I met more accurate versions of Sergio - in terms of appearance and personality - in the phase, might as well have been better mental simulations of what I wished to see and nothing more.

The Phase = Out-of-body Experiences / Lucid Dreaming
"Empty cognizance of one taste, suffused with knowing, is your unmistaken nature, the uncontrived original state. when not altering what is, allow it to be as it is, and the awakened state is right now spontaneously present."

- Padmasambhava

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