Over the years I have come into awareness in quite a variety of environments and circumstances. In most of these cases without giving much thought I would continue in typical selfish fashion....taking control of the environment or aspects of the environment, acting out fantasies and simply indulging in activities that I find are not possible in the real world. That was until most recently.
I awoke in my dream laying beside my son and wife, which is a familiar morning scene as my six year old loves to sneak into bed with us in the middle of the night on occasion. I sat up looked around and it didn't take me long to realize that the environment was not quite right and suddenly I realized that I was in a dream once again.
But this time was different. I wasn't rushing off to another episode of self gratification. Instead I just sat there and tried to appreciate the similarities to my real family life, like the exact likeness of my wife and son. I took time to walk around and observe how real things looked and felt. I remember going to the window sill and running my hand across the metal window screen and saying "this feels so real".
Then this is where it gets a little emotional. My son came and sat on my lap and asked me what I was looking at, and why I was touching the window screen. I touched his cheek and ran my hands through his hair and he smiled at me. I explained to him that this was not real and that I wanted to see if I could really feel the difference between this dream world and my real life. I then explained to him that I had a son just like him but in the real world. He was sad but then said, that he was happy that he had me there even if only for a short period time. At that moment my wife was standing in the door way looking at me with this sad and empty expression.
I suddenly found myself not wanting to leave them. I new I had a real family waiting for me when I woke up, but I couldn't help but feel bad for leaving...at that very moment they were my family and I new I was going to leave and possibly never make it back. I looked at my son and simply said "I guess this will just have to do for now" and he smiled close up to my face while a small tear came out of his eye. that last look on his face before I woke up is now burned into my memory as if it really happened.
I woke up next to my son who did make his way to our bed earlier that night, and as happy as I was to see him, I couldn't erase the image of his shadowed sibling that I spent time with just prior.
This happened to me just last week and still haunts me. I can vividly see the little boys face who exactly resembled my real life son. Truly the saddest dream experience I can recall to date.
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