So I go behind the screen, up several flights of stairs, running and getting more scared myself. The kids all reach a bunch of theatre seats way at the top and at the end of the line, so everyone tries to hide. Nobody's really hiding too well, just in their seats, with their heads down.
A moment later a few adults come in, and turn on the lights; they see everybody, and start picking out different ones and calling to each other, and also yelling out some chant at everyone. These are the people the kids were running from. I get picked, among other people, and I'm asked, or told, to do an operation on someone, and asked if I can be ready in three minutes. I'm handed, as are some of the other kids around me, a packet, with maybe a scalpel and a syringe and some medical-looking stuff, and the chant at us now is something like "we give you the power of life and death, but you have to use it for us and do what we tell you.”I'm getting worried and ask if I can make it ten minutes from now instead of three, thinking I'll try to escape. My offer is contemplated, and rejected. I decide to make a run for it.
Apparently we're about ten levels of balconies up in this movie theatre, all behind the screen, and each lower level is a little farther out, and there are big golden bars, so you can jump, holding on to the bars, and it's a series of small leaps, not a huge fall. I start leaping down, and I'm getting away, but there's a middle level that's much bigger than the others, like the concession stand area. I get that far, and they catch up with me. I'm not the only one who tried to get away, there are two or three others, and we're all cornered on this large, middle balcony. The chasers stand in the middle of the floor talk calmly to us, then pull up chairs and sit down and lecture us, calmly. It's like a manager disciplining an employee in his office. But I and one or two other kids are in the corner, standing on top of something, and there's a big glass punch bowl. I smash the glass punch bowl, and we all start throwing the sharp chunks of glass at these 'managers'. Most miss, but two out of the three managers get up calmly, looking disappointed, and walk away. The one main guy walks forward, walks straight up to me, talking sternly and more forcefully. I put one huge shard of glass right into his forehead. Blood comes out, but he continues talking and talking, like nothing happened.
Now I and the other two kids are really scared, and we must have looked confused, because he breaks his monologue for a second, pulls the glass out of his head, and says "oh, this?" Then he starts pulling all the flesh of his head apart and off, and his skull is showing through, and he's still talking, saying something like "this doesn't matter, I'm beyond this." We're totally frightened by this, and we're corralled, brought back to the top floor where everyone else is. I'm not sure what happened next. Some time went by, but I decided to make another run for it. I start swinging, jumping, holding on to the bars, going down the different levels again. They start chasing me again, but not that hard, just like I'm a nuisance, but they're right behind me. But I'm trying harder this time, and I have more momentum going, and as I'm getting near the bottom levels, I see some people on the side I recognize. I touch their faces as I go by to make sure they’re real, and they are, and it feels reassuring, at least I have witnesses, and they cheer me on. I make it to the bottom and I come out a door into the lobby of the real movie theatre, out of that whole supernatural realm. The three pursuers are right behind me, and they follow me out into the natural realm. But several movie theatre employees see them, and it's like they've always known who they were but couldn't chase them into their own realm. They see these three guys, and they gather around each and stamp them to death on the floor of the lobby, chanting "flesh and blood, flesh and blood". It's like as soon as they followed me out into the lobby of the real movie theatre they were mortal, and totally vulnerable and easy to kill. I looked at the splattered bodies on the floor in the lobby. The dream went on a little while longer, just me hanging out in the lobby and doing stuff. And when the shift was over, all the employees gathered by me smiling to say goodbye, and congratulations. And I looked at all their faces and I recognized them from somewhere, but I don't know where. It's not the story I would have liked to see happen. I would have liked to see reconciliation, not the killing. I thought there were no 'demons', and no fear, but I reverted to feeling fear. I hoped to do better in my next encounter.
After a session with the shaman I practiced "journeying" regularly; I bought the cassette tape of drumming that plays for twenty minutes, meant to put you in a dream state. I lay flat on the ground, left my body, walked out the door, down the stairs, and down a nearby hole, for several minutes until I started seeing things. I saw a lot down there. I took the shaman's advice and asked "what is the nature of the ghost bugs"; I met the "ghost bug" in a vision: a demon, with the head of a bull. I read old dreams of mine from a decade before that I didn't remember at all, supernatural dreams, and that's how I described what I had seen there, 'head of a bull'. In the journeying I picked up the dream from the movie theatre lobby where I had left off; I scooped up the three dead demons on the floor of the theatre lobby, and they / it came back to life. It was a demon, with the head of a bull. I asked if it was my spirit guide and it said 'yes'. Another night, journeying and being too passive, I let him lead me to a cross, and ram me with his horns. When he hit, I felt ghost bugs. Seeing a bull again in another journey vision, I asked "what do you want?"; "To eat your flesh"; I asked "what do you need?" (These were Christina - the shaman's - questions); he said "to stay alive"; and "where do you want to go?” he said "to hell, to the heart", and "home".
When I asked, first, ‘what was his nature?’ he had showed me Aztec hieroglyphics. I didn't understand. But I did see an upside down heart with two X's on it, one in each lobe.
and as I'm getting near the bottom levels, I see some people on the side I recognize. I touch their faces as I go by to make sure they’re real, and they are, and it feels reassuring, at least I have witnesses, and they cheer me on.
indicates you werent lucid. You just wouldnt be touching things in your dream to make sure they are real and being reassured they are real if you were.
They had just passed, and disappeared behind the screen, and no one else in the audience seemed to care, but I got the feeling that whatever scared them into moving like that, it might threaten me, too, if I just sit in my seat, so I got up and ran to catch up with them.
So I go behind the screen, up several flights of stairs, running and getting more scared myself.
If this had been a lucid dream.. it is at that place where you would certainly need to try to get control of it and your feelings. You reacted in fear so of cause in the dream you just then get more and more scared.
The chasers stand in the middle of the floor talk calmly to us, then pull up chairs and sit down and lecture us, calmly. It's like a manager disciplining an employee in his office. But I and one or two other kids are in the corner, standing on top of something, and there's a big glass punch bowl. I smash the glass punch bowl, and we all start throwing the sharp chunks of glass at these 'managers'. Most miss, but two out of the three managers get up calmly, looking disappointed, and walk away. The one main guy walks forward, walks straight up to me, talking sternly and more forcefully. I put one huge shard of glass right into his forehead. Blood comes out, but he continues talking and talking, like nothing happened.
Now I and the other two kids are really scared, and we must have looked confused, because he breaks his monologue for a second, pulls the glass out of his head, and says "oh, this?" Then he starts pulling all the flesh of his head apart and off, and his skull is showing through, and he's still talking, saying something like "this doesn't matter, I'm beyond this." We're totally frightened by this, and we're corralled, brought back to the top floor where everyone else is.
The manager I believe is symbolising one of your higher selves. That's why its being so calm while you are acting like a scared child. Your higher self is beyond flesh. Another indication it is symbolic of your higher self is that it wants to take you to the "top floor".
Your dream is showing that you dont listen to what your higher self (or those in authority) tells you and actually seem to be fearful of that aspect of yourself (or others). You also seem to not like authority features hence throwing glass shards at the manager and acting rebellious thou the manager was calm.. so maybe that is part of your issue. You need to get in touch with your higher self and start connecting and paying heed, it can guide you if you start listening to it. (To do that you may need to ground more and tone down on the spiritual stuff you are doing as you are currently way to ungrounded to be doing it and boosting things higher. You arent currently balanced enough. Stop doing stuff to boost energy and work solely on rebalancing and clearing). Drumming thou usually good for grounding, Im a bit unsure if its good in your case.. you could be raising energy during it and using it to like trance out more (go into dreaming more).
Why are you scared of yourself?
Diagnosed with "schizotypal personality disorder".
Never trusted my parents to raise me, they seemed insane, full of irrational fears, manic, hysterical, and blind as far as what they thought would be best for me.
Any time I see cops, I go into wild ideation about life and death fighting, got myself arrested a hundred times, never actually hurt anybody or stole anybody's property. Just an issue with authority figures from childhood I guess.
The shamans that I went to back in new york city all told me I was not grounded enough, gave me various things to practice to ground myself. Hasn't changed over time though, just kinda stuck this way I guess.
No, I don't trust a higher self. I think this higher self is trying to destroy me, and possibly those around me. I no longer practice shamanic journeying with the drum tape and have a new policy of not talking with creatures that don't have human bodies.
Also, I didn't see that there was a separate forum for the non lucid dreams till after I posted it, don't know how to move it, leaving that up to the admins of the site.
Last weekend was tough to go through, trying NOT to call the suicide hotline all day sunday as calling just gets the cops to surround my house and I get incarcerated for a while at the psychiatric hospital. Just got a good paying job that took four months to find. Trying to move out of a rented house and find an apartment, trying to make the right decision, causes stress. Maybe letting honey and almonds and walnuts and cheese into my diet was what caused the unstoppable "ghost bugs" that keep me from being able to sleep, maddening, nothing could control it; eventually took a few 200mg tabs of seroquel to knock myself out and got some sleep. In the midst of the haze, my wife showed me she'd found a gun, while cleaning out the kids room, no idea if its loaded but bad for the suicidal ideation. Back at work this morning, hoping I've got the ghost bugs under control with extreme diet.
The whole supernatural energy route seems too difficult, overwhelming, yes I'm afraid of myself, scariest dream ever was walking around the computer room at night, looking under a machine and seeing two shiny red eyes, realized it was a double of me, and it terrified me, and chased me through the city for the rest of the dream.
Other shamans have suggested the same thing, a spiritual cleaning out, that just seems overwhelming. So yeah, I'm just ignoring it. guess that explains the never ending nightmares. My only goal is to keep it swept under the rug during the waking day, so I can work and try to help my wife. If I do anything to stir it up, I'm so near the edge that I may be hospitalized and then lose the job and be no good to anybody.
The gun which was found in your sons room. Have you got it out of your house and away from you? If not.. please please get rid of it. You are too close to the edge and you know that.
Other shamans have suggested the same thing, a spiritual cleaning out, that just seems overwhelming.
Im not surprised other shamans have been telling you the same thing.
Unfortunately, you wont be able to do anything about your situation until "you" are innerly ready to.. this readiness has to come from a deeper level of yourself and hopefully some day you will feel ready, even thou it still WILL feel quite scary (as it makes a person feel very vulerable taking these kinds of actions).
I hope one day you will find the strength to do something about your situation so you can move forward.
Best wishes to you.
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot], Yahoo [Bot] and 1 guest