Jokes

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Jackson
Posts: 110
Joined: 04 Jul 2013 03:02

Jokes

Postby Jackson » 19 Aug 2014 17:04

The title to this topic explains it all. You can put a written joke or a link to a funny video of some sort, although keep it PG. I'll go first;

A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink? The bartender says "For you, no charge"!

And this video;

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ur9b5Rf2afw

Although you should skip to the 5:00 minute mark.

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nesgirl
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Joined: 25 May 2014 23:10

Re: Jokes

Postby nesgirl » 19 Aug 2014 17:37

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Last edited by nesgirl on 20 May 2015 01:20, edited 1 time in total.
Goodbye forever...
I dare you Summer and Deschain, to find where I am hiding, and try to attack.

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torakrubik
Posts: 559
Joined: 29 Jun 2011 20:44
Location: England

Re: Jokes

Postby torakrubik » 19 Aug 2014 23:26

The barman says: "Sorry, we don't serve time-travellers here."

A time-traveller walks into a bar.
Dreaming is my drug

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nesgirl
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Joined: 25 May 2014 23:10

Re: Jokes

Postby nesgirl » 20 Aug 2014 03:08

...
Last edited by nesgirl on 20 May 2015 01:20, edited 1 time in total.
Goodbye forever...
I dare you Summer and Deschain, to find where I am hiding, and try to attack.

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HAGART
Posts: 3179
Joined: 05 Jan 2012 21:09
Location: CANADA

Re: Jokes

Postby HAGART » 20 Aug 2014 16:00

I like this bar joke. You can use any name you want:

"David Hasselhoff walks into a bar......................
every morning, and then he stays there until it closes."

- (Gilbert Gottfried)
If we all lucid dreamed this world would be a better place.

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nawick
Posts: 49
Joined: 05 Aug 2014 16:02

Re: Jokes

Postby nawick » 20 Aug 2014 17:37

Dying Request

An elderly man returned from the doctors appointment after finding out he didn't have long to live.
He summoned the three most important people in his life to tell them of his fate.

His Doctor, His Priest and His Lawyer

"Well, today I found out I don't have long to live. So I have summoned you three here, because you are the most important people in my life, and I need to ask a favor. Today, I am going to give each of you an envelope with $50,000 dollars inside. When I die, I ask that all three of you throw the money into my grave to be buried with me"
Not long after this he dies.
The three people he gave the money to meet after the funeral The doctor said, "I have to admit I kept $10,000 dollars of his money, he owed me on lots of medical bills. But, I threw the other $40,000 in like he requested."

The Priest said, "I have to admit also, I kept $25,000 dollars for the church. Its all going to a good cause. I did, however, throw the other $25,000 in the grave."

Well the Lawyer just couldn't believe what he was hearing!
"I am surprised at you two breaking your promise to him like that.
I did the right thing !
I wrote a check and threw in the whole amount"
"If you believe that you can or if you believe that you can't - you are right." - Henry Ford.

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nesgirl
Posts: 1278
Joined: 25 May 2014 23:10

Re: Jokes

Postby nesgirl » 20 Aug 2014 17:58

...
Last edited by nesgirl on 20 May 2015 01:20, edited 1 time in total.
Goodbye forever...
I dare you Summer and Deschain, to find where I am hiding, and try to attack.

LucidityMaster
Posts: 199
Joined: 19 Aug 2014 07:40

Re: Jokes

Postby LucidityMaster » 22 Aug 2014 03:38

Why did the tomato blush? :oops:

Because it saw the salad dressing!

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HAGART
Posts: 3179
Joined: 05 Jan 2012 21:09
Location: CANADA

Re: Jokes

Postby HAGART » 22 Aug 2014 04:14

I just read these, so I had to 'Ketchup'.
I like these pathetic jokes. I really do 'Relish' them.
They don't all cut the 'Mustard'.
Since I replied I need to come up with one myself, so I'm in a bit of a 'Pickle'.

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it's cold out here!

:mrgreen: (I almost made a hamburger there!) :mrgreen:

I apologize for that, and the Pun Police should be notified, but that last one made me hungry. Hungry for jokes that is!... ( That was the final straw. Now the Joke Police, a larger division that oversees the Pun Police, are knocking at my door. Who's there! )
If we all lucid dreamed this world would be a better place.

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nawick
Posts: 49
Joined: 05 Aug 2014 16:02

Re: Jokes

Postby nawick » 28 Aug 2014 16:11

A grandmother is watching her grandchild playing on the beach when a huge wave comes and takes him out to sea.
She pleads, "Please God, save my only grandson. I beg you, bring him back."
Right then a big wave comes and washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new.
She looks up to heaven and says "Excuse me, but, he had a hat!"
"If you believe that you can or if you believe that you can't - you are right." - Henry Ford.


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