THIS IS LONG BUT CRAZY.....
Who is 'the shadow guy'? I keep asking him, but he never gives a name. Perhaps even he doesn't know.
I've had classic sleep paralysis before and was visited by a shadow-blob creature that feels like pure evil, constricts your body, sits on you and all that before. But other times he is not so bad, and can even make you feel good. And sometimes I get all the other symptoms and never see him at all.
Just yesterday I was in a lucid dream and it ended and I entered that strange place in between lucid dreams where you feel like you are in a bed, but 'sink down', completely relax every muscle, and/or float around the room. I've been getting a string of those lately.
So yesterday I was under the 'covers', and I feel someone tap me and tell me to wake up. I am afraid to pull back the covers to see what it is. I know I am in that place and it can be a scary shadow monster. I ask what his name is but he doesn't reply. Here's what I wrote in my Dream Journal:
I asked him if he was good or evil, and he replied something like neither or it depends. I don't think he said good, but I know for sure he never said evil because I would have never let him in. I said, "ok, then I love you". (I find it helpful to turn negative feelings to good when in this state.) I let his hand reach in and it was a shadow, but in human hand form. I grabbed it like we were shaking hands. I may have grabbed the 'forearm', but it was though we were greeting. His head comes in now and it too his humanoid shadow, his face has blue flashes of light. He said he fears nothing and doesn't ask questions. I ask if his face is blue, then am I red? He said there was a little green in there and some other colors.... (i think yellow). But I quickly thought of red and green and joked, does that make me santa clause?!?! He thought it was funny. I asked if he wanted to dream and he said sure. I said, or he suggested, to climb inside me. He got in and I felt poking feelings in my body the way I do sometimes when I get sleep paralysis. I joked, about how he was poking me and he apologized. After a while if felt like he was behind me, riding piggyback with his legs like tentacles around me. I was ready and before I knew it, like I did a few other times that night, I sank a little. Then my body completely relaxed and I sank more. I think I may have floated a little, landed on the ground, and got up and went upstairs to (another dream).
So yesterday he was a nice guy. But not today!
Today, I was floated around the room as I usually do, and getting dragged around by a mysterious evil force. I decided to look and see what it was. It was the shadow guy. This time he felt more sinister. He dragged me to a sliding glass door near where I was sleeping and I jokingly asked if he wouldn't mind taking me upstairs. He opened the door and I was cast out the house and he remained inside. I was laying on the grass and looked at my feet and saw a black shadowy tendril or tentacle leading back to the door were he stood staring at me. This time the figure was still human shape but a huge ten foot tall hulking beast of a person. There were flashes of red and yellow in his figure too. He was able to poke and manipulate my body a bit from a distance as though the black tendril was a remote control. I refused to get scared and this angered him. He came out and got close to my face. It was a swirling face of red and yellow, black and white, but i got the impression it was like a dragon with teeth or something scary looking. I forget the exact words, but he was very coherent at the time. Basically he said he wanted to get inside me. (I thought he wanted to possess me.) Everytime I punched him, I felt the same place on my body get hit. He said that if I punch him I get hurt, but he can do it to me and it doesn't effect him. (I later thought he was lying when I saw him again.) Then he said I was suppose to leave some of my flesh for him in the morning every morning.
That was a bit creepy and I was finally able to wake up, but it was a false awakening. Yada yada....
I saw him several more times that night and have before and probably will again. Even some sentient dream characters I met won't tell me who or what he is. I feel they want me to learn on my own.
So there it is. What the hell is this thing? When I woke up today, I almost started to believe in demons, it was THAT REAL!
I'm not scared. he is more of a bully.
And I will deal with him. But you can't fight him. I have to come to understand and befriend him.
This way there is not comeback, you cant lose a fight and why would you want this thing for a friend.
I always feel that we need to grow from each experience and the more disturbing the bigger the opportunity so be happy for a big chance
Peter wrote:why would you want this thing for a friend
Well I don't. But I think ignoring it won't make it go away.
I need to take charge, but fists don't work.
Emotions are the only thing that exist when in this realm.
So I am going to try loving and befriending it.
and if that doesn't work I will have to cast him aside and be more badass than it!
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