I can't go any further

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Asystole
Posts: 2
Joined: 07 Oct 2017 09:51

I can't go any further

Postby Asystole » 07 Oct 2017 11:08

I'll try to keep it short.

I'm a beginner. I started trying to be lucid around 2 weeks ago and I was really encouraged due to the results I've seen. Few days after I learned what a lucid dream is, in the state of a light dream (it was about an hour after I went to bed, and a dream was briefly interrupted be an impression of still laying in bed and being poked by a dream figure) I looked at my little sister's hand and casually started to count her fingers. I got to 6, and then I realised I'm dreaming.
I suddenly felt very dizzy and realised that I'm in bed. Okay, fine, I tried to come back to the dream, because I knew I didn't fully wake up. I started to hear a loud noise, getting louder and louder, as if a train was passing through my room. I also felt like my bed is shaking violently and my heart pounding. I tried to imagine myself in the train, but then I felt as if a lot of hands were pulling me out of the bed. I got really surprised and scared and I woke up.

Sleep paralysis, I thought. It was scary, I have never experienced such thing and decided to stop trying to WILD for a few nights, just to calm down. It prolonged to a full week, by this time I focused on RCs and dream journal and MILD, though I can't really set my mind to "have a lucid dream" or "remember my dreams". I never could. In my dreams I'm often an observer, or there is no "me" there. Like a floating camera or being inside someone else. Like reading a book.
And then it happened again. I don't remember what I did, but after an unplanned WBTB I woke up in a sleep paralysis. I wasn't afraid, I didn't even try to move, but the fact that I felt dizzy again somehow ensured me it's SP. Then I had some very vivid tactile hallucinations and freaked out.

The next attempt was so far the most successful. I knew I had to face my fears and that it was an illusion. I regained consciousness during falling asleep (it was not a WBTB, it was straight after I went to bed, but it probably lasted a few hours) when I noticed my thoughts were becoming illogical. I imagined myself looking at my hand, doing RC. I felt dizzy, my heart was pounding (not as much as previously) and I could barely feel my body. I had a very strange but pleasant sensation of diving head-down into the emptiness, but instead of entering the dream it kept repeating over and over and all I could see was darkness. I then pictured myself at the peak of the mountain and jumped head-down. And this is the last memory I remember :)

It was almost a week ago and since then I not only couldn't reach this state, but I also had a hard time remembering dreams. I tried WBTB whenever I could sleep longer (3 times so far) and even tried MILD, but unsuccessfully. After attempted WILD I'm losing consciousness so quickly I can't even track my thoughts. All the dreams I had (and remember) were so illogical and fragmented I had no chance to accidentally find out I'm dreaming. I feel like I can't progress and the fact that I'm trying doesn't change anything.

Has anyone of you ever encountered such a blockade? I think it might be fear, but previously it didn't stop me. I also thought it might be the lack of focus, but last night I tried really hard and I nothing, I just felt asleep and couldn't remember anything, not even a single detail.

ThePurple
Posts: 158
Joined: 02 Nov 2015 01:30

Re: I can't go any further

Postby ThePurple » 14 Oct 2017 01:06

So, you're only two weeks in, and have already had several mini-successes. Each time it seems you learned something about the process, got to know some of the many sensations involved. Perhaps I missed something, but it seems hasty to refer to all this as a block.

Lucidity is a new and strange feeling, which I suspect is behind you spiraling away, just by the shock of the realization. The more familiar you become with the experience, the less this will knock you off your feet. A big part of this is staying calm, and staying connected to the dream world, rather than getting stuck in your own thoughts about "WHOAAAAH!" It can help to have a clear plan of what you'd like to do once you become lucid, and implement it immediately. Preferably this is something that is not control-intensive, like superpowers; instead choose something more faimiliar to your daily waking life, like eating, talking to people, or exploring a landscape.

But maybe I'm jumping ahead. You mention adding in more and more techniques, and your recall plummetting. It seems you may trying so hard that you are exhausting yourself. All my leaps in progress I can attribute to backing off and letting go in some way. So work smart, not hard. Stick with one or two simple techniques, prioritize remembering dreams, and have patience in yourself!


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