I came accross this site all by chance, though I've always been interested in the subconcious and dreams. I'm a guitarist and an artist, and like most creative people I've always wanted to find new amazing sounds and ideas for my music and art. Sometimes I feel that there is a way to discover this ideas from a higher place, or for it to be shown to me in a dream or something. I'm sure there is someone who understands what I mean.
I used to do a lot of cannabis a year or so ago. Part of me thought that drugs would lead me to some deep inner realisation for creativity. I wanted to try shrooms too, so I could experience a trip. Again, I thought this may show me inspiring things, or let me hear music that had never been played etc.
Anyway, one night things went wrong and I ended up having a bad trip, which was the most terrifying experience of my life. I couldn't control my actions, I was seeing the craziest things, but most of all I couldn't wake up. I have no words to explain the experience, and as abstract and other worldly as it was I never want to experience it again.
The next day I woke, but was still in this dream like state. I know now that it is called a comedown, but this sensation lasted unusually long, until very recently. It was a sort of out of body experience. I looked up my symptoms and it came up with this thing called derealisation. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derealization
It apparently has similar symptoms to clinical depression.
Anyway, in this dream like state I felt I was going insane. I was unaware of what was real and what was dream, I sort of teleported around the place with no recolection as to how I got there, I was involunarily questioning reality, I was terrified to sleep, I had to see the doctor a number of times.
I have watched the Matrix and Inception, and I think they are amazing films. But during this sensation, I couldn't help but overthink the themes in them and found it a really scary experience.
I know at least one thing has come from it, and that is that I know I will never do any drugs again.
But yeah, my main worry is things like me questioning reality and things. I think as much as I find all this fascinating, I may start causing problems in my head. I know in Inception the there are people who decide to sleep forever becuase they prefer the dream and its infinate possibilitys to the limited real world.
I'm sorry for the essay, I'm very interested but also genuninely a bit frightened.
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