Can't have sex in lucid dreams – HELP

For general lucid chat - ask questions, share advice, set lucid dream challenges and explore the lucid realm together.
Posts: 1
Joined: 01 Jun 2017 21:07

Can't have sex in lucid dreams – HELP

Postby perchance » 01 Jun 2017 21:36

Hi, new member here. I've been lucid dreaming semi-consistently for about a decade now, and I have a strange problem that I'm hoping you guys will be able to help me with.

No matter what I do, I can't have sex in my lucid dreams – and the dream will go to ridiculous lengths to prevent it. I once had a dream where I approached several men in an amorous fashion, only for each of them to point to a woman next to them and say "Actually, this is my girlfriend." I felt embarrassed despite myself, and apologized. Then I saw a man standing completely alone, so I approached him. He pulls out a little satchel, opens it, pulls out a 3 inch tall woman, and says "Oh actually, this is my tiny girlfriend." :|

In another lucid dream, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend. He unbuttons my pants and pulls them off – only to find another pair of pants underneath. He takes those off – more pants. Etc.

Last night was the last straw. I found myself lucid dreaming in a room of men, and thought – "I'm tired of having this weird hang up – tonight is the night I lose my lucid dream virginity." The men were kind of scrubby, but I decided that I didn't care anymore – I just needed to break through the block. I approached the younger men, but they recoiled from me. I walked into the next room and saw an older man – a good 40 years older than me, but relatively attractive, kind of George Clooney-ish. I decided that he would do. I walked over and said "Hey, would you go into that dressing room and have sex with me?" He looked surprised, but said yes. We start walking toward the dressing room. Every step, he gets older and uglier. By the time we get to the room, he looks like George R. R. Martin's grubbier cousin. But I'm too angry at this point to back down – no way I'm letting this dream win. We go into the room and start to kiss. The walls fall down – everyone is staring at us. Still, I'm not giving up. We disrobe. We're about to do the deed, but this troll of a man freaks out because he doesn't have a condom on. I let him put a condom on. Finally, it's about to happen – and penetration occurs! It felt very strange, but I figured that was par for the course for dream sex. And then I look down.


At that point, I gave up. I started asking the people around me – "Why? Why is this happening? Why is my subconscious doing this to me?? I created you, so you should be able to explain this to me!" They didn't care – they all left.

I don't know what to do, and I don't know why this is happening. I really don't have any major hangups about sex in real life. Of course, I know that every person in our society has internalized many things about sex and shame, but it's not something I've had major issues with – I'm a sex-positive person, and have never (consciously?) felt ashamed of that.

Does anyone have any ideas about what could cause this – and more importantly, how to break through it? Does anyone have a similar experience – where it feels like your subconscious is essentially playing a prank on you? Please help.

User avatar
Posts: 73
Joined: 16 Nov 2016 05:28

Re: Can't have sex in lucid dreams – HELP

Postby Price » 02 Jun 2017 05:53

Actually I have had similar experiences. I have had times when I wanted to have sex and my dream did many things to prevent that from happening. In may case it was something like my parents kept appearing out of no where to disrupt what was going on.

People often think that once they become lucid that they have complete control over the dream. That is not really true. You may have MORE control over the dream, but the DREAMER is still creating the dream that you are interacting with. So sometimes when there is a lesson to learn, your dream may stop doing what you want.

OK so you want to have sex, but your dream says No. You have some personal exploration to do before you are ready to have a sex dream.

Questions you may want to ask yourself. Are you nervous about having sex? What kind of sex do you really want to have? Who do you want to have sex with? Do you want to have it with some random person you meet or with someone you love? Is it worth waiting for, or do you just want to fool around? Once you feel comfortable with your answers (or with any other questions you may be having) then you will start to have dream sex, but if you still have hang ups and un answered questions then it will still be difficult to have dream sex.

If you do have unanswered questions about sex, asking to dream for answers, may be a way to side step into having a sex dream.

Remember to your dreaming self. Lucid sex is just as real as waking sex.

I didn't have really good dream sex until I after had sex in the waking world. I was just carrying too much baggage around with me and my DREAMER knew it. I know this is not the case for everyone, but it was for me.

User avatar
Posts: 542
Joined: 29 Jun 2011 20:44
Location: England

Re: Can't have sex in lucid dreams – HELP

Postby torakrubik » 06 Jun 2017 01:42

I don't think it's worth reading into this too much, this sounds like a classic mental dream block - you have got this idea in your head that you can't have sex in dreams and it's that very worry that is causing your subconscious to sabotage your attempts, causing a vicious cycle. I think the best advice here would be too approach this in a similar manner as if you were nervous about sex in real life - try doing some other lucid activities for a while, don't try to force anything and just let it happen naturally in a comfortable dream environment.
Dreaming is my drug

Posts: 17
Joined: 09 May 2017 23:47

Re: Can't have sex in lucid dreams – HELP

Postby thebigdreamer20 » 07 Jul 2017 05:55

It COULD be something that you need to look into within yourself. It COULD be your subconscious trying to send you a message, but I agree with torakrubik I think it's just a basic mental block. Self-hypnosis, maybe a mantra or something, but don't force it or get too frustrated, if you are forcing it then you are admitting that it needs to be forced which strengthens the idea that it's "hard" or that you "can't do it".

And this may not sound appealing to you at all, but I'm just going to throw it out there, despite most advice, maybe just force yourself on someone, you don't need permission, they aren't real it's not rape. It doesn't have to be violent either, they will react the way you expect them to, so they could just be like "oh dear, I guess I have to have sex with her." and then go on to enjoy it.

When a lot of people try this it doesn't work, but maybe in your case it will because it could give you a sense of power over your dream.

I'll tell you my situation, frankly I have never stabilized my dream for more than 2 minutes, that's what I struggle with, however once when I wanted to have sex with someone I just walked up to her, assumed that she would like to have sex with me and threw her on the table. Unfortunately I woke up too early, but sex wasn't the problem, and I think the reason is I always told myself that, that part would be easy.

Long story short is, at the end of the day if you TRULY believe that people will just jump into bed with you, they will do it... in a dream that is.

Posts: 2
Joined: 26 Jul 2017 12:07

Re: Can't have sex in lucid dreams – HELP

Postby Dubs » 26 Jul 2017 12:22

Dude, I just joined this forum because I googled 'can't take pants off in lucid dream' and found this. The EXACT same thing has happened to me a couple of times now, I'm super keen to get to work, take pants/undies off and another pair is automatically there! Over and over. Outrageous. I also have other weird things like endless dream character rejection or they turn invisible or we can't find anywhere private etc. The breadstick thing is pretty classic! Having said that, I also have had some tops lucid sex, better when I was practicing lucid dreaming more.. The pants thing is new though, I'm glad I found someone else who mentioned it. I'm a mid 30s chick with a decently functioning sex life. Is it possible to PM each other on this site? Maybe we can compare notes and work out what's up with this shiz..

User avatar
Posts: 2
Joined: 27 Jul 2017 16:17

Re: Can't have sex in lucid dreams – HELP

Postby =Zorro= » 27 Jul 2017 17:21

Ohhh, my beloved also doesn't want to have sex with me in lucid dreams :(
Wit beyond measure is man’s greatest treasure

Return to “General Lucid Discussion”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 8 guests