Hello, and here are my issues!

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shevek
Posts: 3
Joined: 15 Sep 2016 17:39

Hello, and here are my issues!

Postby shevek » 30 Sep 2016 03:27

Hello, Dreamers!

I'm acutely aware of the length of this. I hope it's not a drag. It's what I do. I try to do it well.

I have been going lucid in dreams, once in a while, without trying to, for years, but the scope of these lucid episodes has been very limited. Typically, in years past, I would realize I was dreaming, without a particular trigger that I remember. Then I would announce to whoever was there, "Hey, I'm dreaming, this is my dream!" and then start levitating or flying. More recently, I sought sexual encounters once I realized it was a dream, which led to some intense sensations but a rather pitiful quality of experience. And I'd always wake up after a very short time.

Earlier this year, I found out that a lot of people study and practice and develop skills at lucid dreaming, and I decided I need to do that myself. I have had some progress, but I feel a bit stuck and I need to get a lot better at it.

I say need to, because I consider some of the recurring themes in my dreams mild nightmares, and getting fluent with lucidity looks like a good way to resolve inner conflicts, as well as providing excellent tools for spiritual, emotional and creative growth, which I hunger for in order to live well in waking life.

My recurring dream themes that disturb me are scenarios where I feel subjectively compelled to accomplish various things, such as finding lost objects (often my car) or getting work done (often in my real-life trade, as a residential, commercial and industrial painter). However, in dreams, unlike in waking life, nothing in the inconsistent environment, external or internal (my own consciousness) supports me having any success in completing any task, effort or project. The overall feeling is of being frustrated and pathetic.

In years past, I struggled with a lot of financial and personal-relationship problems that made my waking life very stressful. But when I would wake up from those frustrating and pathetic dreams, I would be so, so glad at how relatively competent I was in real life. In the last year or so, things are going a lot better for me in my life, my external stress factors are low, and I am working on creative and spiritual projects that I have put off for too long.

But my pathetic and frustrating dream patterns continue.

If I could go lucid during one of these frustrating dream scenarios I would stop feeling helpless in the moment, and start to query the dream elements for the emotional/spiritual lessons that are being represented. But I do not ever remember going lucid during one of my helpless dreams. I have been doing affirmations and setting intentions and doing visualizations to try to set the myopic, helpless pattern as a trigger for lucidity, but so far, no good result.

I have recently been practicing a lot of techniques recommended for inducing lucid dreams, but only having a lucid dream once in a while. In my last one I reacted to a fear of the lucidity getting cut short and went tearing through ceilings instead of remaining calm and working on grounding, etc. I did let sexual urges pass without action, so maybe my intention to not get sidetracked and woken up by them is getting through. But fear got me that time. I've been setting an intention that "I shall not fear...." -The Litany Against Fear from Dune, since then. The words "my whole lucid project", which represent the big picture of my intentions for lucid learning, came to my awareness in the dream, but it seemed like the words came from my waking self, as I felt myself lying in RL bed, and then I woke up. In the three nights since then I have done about everything I know to promote the kind of lucid dreams I want and need, and just had lots of unaware dreams with a good dose of helpless frustration instead.

My short-term goals for lucidity are dealing with and learning from those tiresome patterns, practicing various forms of meditation, juggling (I'm just trying to get a two-ball exchange to work IRL), doing simple math, and practicing piano. Oh, and not wasting dream time painting or looking for my car.

I'll keep working on it and try to be patient. As I must, because progress in this is essential in many ways for my efforts to thrive in real life. Any suggestions and helpful advice will be greatly appreciated.
Last edited by shevek on 30 Sep 2016 12:28, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
Haradaska
Posts: 40
Joined: 18 Mar 2016 14:59

Re: Hello, and here are my issues!

Postby Haradaska » 30 Sep 2016 05:46

Ya im reading this tomorrow. gn
"my friend urinated on my pc"~Computer troubleshooting sub

shevek
Posts: 3
Joined: 15 Sep 2016 17:39

Re: Hello, and here are my issues!

Postby shevek » 03 Oct 2016 02:56

Advice from various sources on luciid dreaming recommends reality checks, which is asking yourself when awake, "Am I dreaming?" Then it is suggested to query how we know we are not dreaming. For example, try to put a finger through the palm of the other hand. Well, the first time I tried that during a lucid dream, I could not do it. The next time, and since, I could.

When I am awake and ask myself how I know I am awake, the main evidence to my experience is something that none of the literature has really mentioned, that I recall, and I find that surprising. The most fundamental and unshakable way that I know I am not dreaming right now is that a miriad of details in my experience right now match detailed memories I have of living in my body, being in my apartment and the changes I have made and things I have arranged here, the relative predictability of how the tablet I am typing on and the internet I am posting on correspond to my memory, etc., etc., etc. Billions of bits of information that my brain/waking consciousness processes in a way that I am used to and can depend on. It's the background. I can feel the context of wakeful awareness and can confirm it in any of thousands of ways. That's how I know I am awake.

In a dream state, my subjective experience can be a very, very strong and persuasive feeling that this is real. It feels real. But from the point of view of my waking consciousness, it seems to me that my dreaming feeling of reality is based on a very small amount of data. The experiences i am in there correspond to my accumulated memory of life as I have lived it, in a much less detailed and accurate fashion. That is how I know I am awake now.

I hope that as I build my skills with lucid dreaming, I will be able to greatly increase the amount of memory data I can import from my waking life into my dreaming life. That data throughput seems like part of where I am stuck right now. When I dream, lucid or non-lucid, I do not remember my whole lucid dreaming project and agenda. It would be really cool if I could remember more.

I noticed before posting here that there where a lot of other posts that didn't have many responses, but I like Rebecca Turner's free material and am considering getting her pay-for course, so I joined and posted on this forum first. I am currently reading a library book on lucid dreaming while money is tight. I need to discuss these issues, and if discussion doesn't happen here, well I'll have to repost my stuff eleswhere. :)


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