When I first read about lucid dreaming, I got hyped. My dreams got wackier and more memorable. Once I almost got pre-WILD effect, even though I was so close to achieving the real deal. I was going strong with the education. But then...
The more time passes (two months now), the more I forget about doing all lucid dreaming routines, like reality checks and meditation. Lately, I found meditation impossible (even with brain wave entertainment) with more problems to follow. I found reality checks redundant and I got tired every single time I had to do something related to the training. It got tedious. But the worst problem of all is that I couldn't fill anything in my dream journal. My body dismissed the entire concept of lucid dreaming unconsciously, by nature. I can't fight it! Every time I wake up it is so seamless that when I finally wake up, I forget the dream before I could ever write it and when I got to that moment, the dream itself doesn't have anything substancial worth writing and it doesn't encourage me to write it down. The dreams are so ordinary there's no way I can distinguish them from reality.
When I found out about lucid dreaming and what were my non-lucid dreams:
I was a space warrior in a post-apocalyptic setting, fighting horrible monsters inside a flesh building filled with corrosive acid and human brains. The entire place is getting flooded. Everything tried to strangle me with tentacles, but fortunately I've got a lot of grenades and bravery to overcome the obstacle. Soon I found my way to the top of the building only to find a destroyed world full of clouds and lightnings.
I was in a weird glass desert, when I got into some chrono-spacial portal that got my brain and feels totally twisted (Undescribable. Think your limbs reaching 100 miles and your brain getting squished). I was stranded on a grass desert full of lone buildings and people, like they were teleported here before me. I jumped out of my machine in hope of finding somebody to fix it. (This is trippy as hell)
Now after two months of "study":
My routine of going to school.
Me lying on an uninteresting hill.
Me working in front of a computer with no weird activity.
That's it! I can't control it at all and every time I try to learn the techniques it doesn't come naturally and me forcing myself stresses me beyond all belief (even though keeping calm is one of the steps to lucidity). You could say that it's supposed to be mundane with some stuff, but when it's mundane, my body doesn't find these stuff all that important. And yes, I tried every single technique or tip in the articles (even the 10-day course).
I really want to find a solution, because I'm having problems focusing with my life-goal of creating a web animation series. I think lucid dreaming could be a therapy of confronting my insecurities on what is keeping me back, even though it's my passion and love for the medium.
- Forcing myself to learn lucid dreaming isn't helping
- Effects of studies only seem to decay over time
- I think of lucid dreaming only in evening before sleep
- Meditation doesn't make me feel relaxed anymore
- Dream herbs aren't sold in my country
- Reality checks are forced and don't come in naturally or with will
- Sublimal videos aren't available in .MP4 format and my tablet doesn't support Flash
And no... telling me that it takes time don't help my situation. If I don't know what I'm doing wrong, I'll never be able to fight my inner stubbornness and nature of being a sceptic. I've heard this advice way too much.