Lucid dream sex is a huge motivator for most people when learning how to lucid dream. It allows you to have sex with anyone you desire and with high levels of sensory detail. Such erotic dreams can be as tangible and vivid as physical intimacy in waking life.
In this article, we'll review how to lucid dream with sexual fantasies in mind; scientific studies of lucid dream orgasms; and points to bear in mind so you don't miss out on some other incredible opportunities for self-growth.
If you're a beginner at lucid dreaming, you need to focus on two things before you can have really good dream sex:
Once you're comfortable having longer lucid dreams that last more than a couple of minutes, and you can stay calm and fully lucid within them, you're ready to have lucid dream sex. Here's what you need to know.
Sometimes, you lock-on to a potential partner in your lucid fantasy, only to find they are completely disinterested in having sex with you. The object of your affections may deny you, walk away, or morph into something really unattractive.
I didn't see this coming when I first got into lucid dream sex. The characters in my daydreams are always willing partners—who knew it would be so different in my lucid dreams? Personally, I blame Freud:
The lucid dreaming expert, Robert Waggoner, explains that dream figures are not fictional drones that exist for our amusement. Instead, the people in our dreams appear to fall into thee categories:
With this in mind, it's best to avoid treating your dream characters as purely sexual objects. Just as you would in real life, try talking to your desired partner first to establish intimacy. Identify what type of dream figure they are and what motivates them by asking questions like:
If they're a projection of part of your tortured inner self, you're giving them a chance to put their needs first. They might want to tell you something, if only you'd listen.
If they're a reflection of someone from the real-world, ask if you can kiss them or explain that you really want to experience vivid lucid dream sex. Speaking your intention aloud is actually is a basic premise of lucid dream control; in this instance it also primes the dream figure for their role in your fantasy.
Beyond dream sex, Waggoner advises we cultivate respectful interactions with dream figures in general. After all, they are conduits to the inner self and its compartmentalized feelings, beliefs, and experiences, which can be re-balanced if only we can access them in a therapeutic way.
When you encounter a dream figure who has no interest in sex, don't give up on them. Refocus your efforts on getting to know why they're really in your dream. Ask probing questions, or request that they take you somewhere interesting. If they're a part of your inner self, they're a hidden treasure worth discovering.
Once you've made a connection with a desirable dream figure and have initiated lucid dream sex, what happens next?
There are some good quality scientific studies into lucid dream orgasms. Most prominently, LaBerge et al. reported that lucid dream orgasms can be accompanied by real physical responses, including increased heart rate, changes in vascular tissue, and ejaculation.
One male dreamer, nicknamed Randy, volunteered for this perilous mission. Equipped with a penile strain gauge (a loop of flexible tubing filled with mercury, about an inch in diameter), Randy reported the following sexual dream to LaBerge in their 1980s experiments:
"A bizarre detail made me realize that I was dreaming. I made an eye-movement signal, then proceeded through the roof, flying Superman-style. Having landed in the backyard of a house, I wished for a girl. A cute little teenager walked out of the patio door, followed closely by her mother. For some reason, the mother seemed to know me, and with a wink sent her daughter out to play with me.
"We went in the backyard, and I signaled the beginning of foreplay. An instant later her blouse was on the ground and the nipples of her blossoming breasts stood out. She kneeled on the ground and began to kiss me in a most stimulating manner. I felt myself about to climax and closed my eyes in ecstasy as I had the orgasm, and again signaled.
"When I opened my eyes, I seemed to have awakened from a wet dream. I was very excited at the accomplishment of my experiment, then I realized it was only a false awakening, and at this I actually awoke. Although I found I had not actually ejaculated, I still felt the tingling in my spine and I marveled at the reality that the mind could create." - Randy, in Lucid Dreaming by Stephen LaBerge
Randy's polygraph record showed a precise correlation with his lucid dream report. Between his second and third eye signals (the duration of the erotic dream encounter) his breathing rate was at its highest of all his REM periods that night, while the penile strain gauge reached its maximum. Thus, in some respects, lucid dream sex has as powerful an impact on the dreamer's body as the real thing.
Somewhat surprisingly, LaBerge and his team actually found that women reported far more orgasms in lucid dreams than men. Indeed, the first successful record of lucid dream sex came from Miranda:
"[Miranda] spent a night sleeping in our laboratory while we recorded sixteen channels of physiological data, including the usual EEG, EOG, and EMG, as well as respiration rate, heart rate, vaginal EMG, and vaginal pulse amplitude...
"At about five minutes into her fifth REM period of the night, Miranda had a three-minute lucid dream... Flying through an archway, she spotted a group of people—apparently visitors touring the campus. Swooping down to the group, she picked the first man within reach. She tapped him on the shoulder, and he came toward her as if knowing exactly what he was expected to do. At this she signaled again, marking the beginning of sexual activity.
"She says that she must have already been excited from the flying, because after only fifteen seconds she felt as if she were about to climax. She signaled a third time, marking her experience of orgasm as the final waves began to die down." - Stephen LaBerge, Lucid Dreaming
Indeed, the act of flying in lucid dreams can be a kind of foreplay, even though we don't tend to associate it with sexual arousal in waking life. How Freud would have loved this. He said that flying in dreams may symbolically express our desire for sex, linked as they are by feelings of physical liberation or transcendence. Notably, in lucid dreams, such sensations are not just sought after but considerably amplified.
Some people find lucid dreams inherently arousing, regardless of content. The ability to break free from physical restrictions, walk among anyone knowing anything can happen, or simply focus the awareness on a specific body part can lead to exquisite sensory experiences.
Keep this in mind when seeking out lucid dream sex: body parts are optional in the realm of the abstract. Your next sex dream could come from a rollercoaster ride, rendered by the physical experience of riding the launch track, the trick hills, and the climactic main drop.
Lucid dream sex is liberating, so go ahead and get your fill. Do also remember, though, that dream characters are just one way of achieving lucid orgasms, and that you may find arousal in seemingly unrelated physical sensations. Who knew that riding rainbows, leaping across stepping stones, or sinking in quicksand could deliver realistic sexual highs?
Also remember that if a dream character isn't into it, you're better off refocusing your intention. As Ryan Hurd points out in Everything You Want to Know About Lucid Dream Sex But Are Afraid to Ask, it's easy to waste time in a lucid dream searching for a romantic partner, only to find that they transform or turn against you in the act. While lucid dream sex may be your primary intention, have another dream goal in your back pocket in case it eludes you. Check out these 9 Reasons Why Everyone Should Lucid Dream for some creative ideas.